The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
