What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
