My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
