I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
