I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
