guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
