we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
