There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize