Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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