We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
