Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
