I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
