I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize