This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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