'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
