his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize