I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
