Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
