I swear she didn't look like that last week.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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