My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
