Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
