how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
