The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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