we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize