If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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