he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
