i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
