So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
