she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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