im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
