took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
