pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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