Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
