haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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