Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
