His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
