he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize