Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize