Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Come see our sink grown plant.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
