Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
