K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
