She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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