is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
