i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
