This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
