were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
