I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
