Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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