we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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