swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
