I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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