i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
