my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
