Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
