I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
