tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
