I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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