Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
