a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
