He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
