i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have aggressive nipples.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize