I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
