I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
