I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Couch. On fire.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
