i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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