No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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