oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
